tieknots: how do people actually live without books
Tomorrow's September 1st. Who want's to carpool to...
lurveleelee: if you don’t drink you’re not better than people who do if you do drink you’re not better than people who don’t if you don’t smoke you’re not better than people who do if you smoke you’re not better than people who don’t if you wear crocs there’s no help for you i’m sorry
Tomorrow is September 1st
cupofteaorgtfo: Better get my shit packed for Hogwarts the train leaves tomorrow
Dear Future Husband,
therenaissanceratchet: Can I depend on you to lie to the paramedics when I eventually bust my ass in the shower, pretending to be Beyoncé?
Me: "'When are we going to watch A Very Potter Musical?' Jessica whined."
Chris: "Are you narrating yourself?"
Me: "Jessica wondered why Chris didn't understand that sometimes she liked to pretend that her life was a novel, preferably written by J.K. Rowling."
I love it when my mom tells me it’s not her fault I’m allergic to gluten. I’m like “Bitch, whose fault is it then?” Only I don’t call her a bitch, because she’s my mom.
Stupid Girl's Tweet: "Late night convocations>>
Me: "It's 12:45 AM."
Me: "On a Wednesday."
Me: "Why are you at church?"
Me: "Learn how to proofread."
robin-scherbatsky: trust no bitch
My 16 year old sister: "Mom! I NEED an appointment to get birth control!!"
Sister: "I need to get all the birth control I'm going to need for the rest of my life, because if Mitt Romney is elected, I won't be able to get it!"
Sometimes I love her.
So Chris has a (one) feather on his leg...
Chris: "Why am I covered in feathers?"
Me: "You had crazy sex with a vampire last night."
Chris: "Yeah I did. It was awesome. You should have been there. Or not. That would be weird."
Samantha: "Hey Dad, can I borrow your PSP?"
Dad: "Yeah, sure. Just keep it charged up. Do you know where it is?"
Samantha: "No, you can just grab it for me."
Dad: "I don't know where it is either."
I have twitter conversations with my favorite blogger, Laura. The problem is, she probably thinks I’m REALLY creepy. Oh well. You win some you lose some, I guess.
I am the stupidest person ever.
I really really am. Like wtf? Why would i think that it was okay to do that? Haven’t I been through enough in the past few month? Follow Demi’s advice, Jessica. Give your heart a break. Stupid Stupid Stupid. I feel like I should be pulling a Dobby right now and hurting myself for just being so plain STUPID. GAH
woah, waoh woah.
Something I posted on tumblr got reblogged 423 times. Does that make me tumblr famous?!
lastofthetimeladies: the eternal dilemma of a fangirl idk if i want to be you, be with you, be your best friend, be your daughter, be your sister, be your mother, be your cool aunt, be your lover, be your wife, be your secret twin (separated at birth but soon-to-be reunited after all these years), or just all of the above
And that's why he's my best friend.
Me: "She is sooo annoying."
Chris: "What is she doing?"
Me: "She thinks she's hot shit because she made varsity in cheerleading her junior year and keeps insisting that everyone goes to all of 'her games' and i'm like 'bitch please. I was a varsity cheerleader my freshman year and no one bothered to go to a single one of 'my games''"
Chris: "Well I was a varsity high school cheerleader in 7th grade... soo..."
People were all like ‘We need to pray in school!’ until they tried...– My dad
My Religious Beliefs:
Religions are like penises. It’s fine to have one. It’s fine to be proud of it. But don’t go waving it around in public or shoving it down my throat.
girl look at that </body>
Samantha: "School starts on the fourth?!"
Theresa: "I have an away game on the fourth!!"
Me: "Good thing nothing happens on the first day of school."
Theresa: "I have an away volleyball game on the fourth!"
Me: "Oh, I thought you had an away soccer game on the fourth."
Mom: "We all heard you say you have an away game."
Me: "We all know you play volley ball."
Mom: "Why did you have to repeat it?"
Theresa: "Why can't you just go along with it?"